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These quotes are taken from #hardline on EFNet, in all their out-of-context glory, roughly from 2000 to present. I periodically add to the list when I'm actually on, but I can't be held responsible for the contents :)

For the curious, see What is a "hardline", anyway?.


[15:02] <spectron> o/~ I like to MOV it, MOV it, I like to MOV it, MOV it. I like to MOV it, MOV it.... You like to MOV IT! o/~


[13:03] <zacs> wow
[13:03] <zacs> what the fuck is wrong with me
[13:07] <segfault> ... too easy
[13:07] * segfault refrains


<NovaWRK> my friend has a 100 year old tortoise
<NovaWRK> he keeps rolling backwards on his shell and can't get back up
<nightfire> i bet it'd be good barbecued

<NovaWRK> man i like the __declspec(naked) keyword
<NovaWRK> it's sexy

@<NovaWRK_> apparently some german invention can make petrochemicals from dead cats
<msoulier> they can have mine
@<segfault-> i'll donate two
@<NovaWRK_> you keep a bunch of dead cats?

<amb_> i want spring rolls
@<segfault-> kitten fried rice
@<NovaWRK_> awww
@<NovaWRK_> poor kitties
@<NovaWRK_> so succulent and juicy
@<segfault-> it's a rough life being cute & tasty
@<NovaWRK_> like dolphins

<NovaWRK> once we got the thing roughly working (that is, only crashes on other peoples machines, runs fine on mine), then we can start working on the web service part

<Tek-smrt> thatll teach me to try to cheat the system
<NovaWRK> weasling out of things is important to learn
<NovaWRK> it's what separates man from the animals
<NovaWRK> except the weasel

<nightfire> man whatever too big
<nightfire> you saw mine
<nightfire> thing's tiny!
<stereo> yeah

<zacs> my son keeps asking me questions i can't answer
<zacs> like, why do you smoke if it's bad for you?
<zacs> and i'm like, go to your room son

@<zacs> HEY EVERYBODY, LOOK AT ME, I'M WATCHING PORNO OVER HERE

@<epoch> well, I don't take my work home with me
@<epoch> which is fucking awesome
@<NovaWRK_> I don't even take my work to work with me!

<spectra_w> The root problem can be summarized in 7 words:
<spectra_w> W, I, N, D, O, W, S

@<zacs> i wish i had a theme song
@<zacs> if i did, i'd do nothing but walk in and out of rooms all day
@<epoch> you do
@<epoch> "It's raining men!"

<NovaWRK> i'm as big of pussy on the internet as i am IRL :(

<NovaWRK> zacs man
<NovaWRK> i'll give you a coffee
<NovaWRK> but i won't be your girl
<spectra_w> i'll be your...er.. girl :p

<@TeknikL> hdparm -t returns 199MB/sec in linux
<@TeknikL> -T 1936MB/sec
<@TeknikL> while the array is initializing too...
<@NeTTwerk1> you install FC4 on that?
< Silvris> WHOA!
< Silvris> FUCK CUNT 4

< NeTTwerk1> man.
< NeTTwerk1> why do all internet transvestites have to be such cunts?

< zacs> HOLY SHIT
< zacs> LANCE ARMSTRONG TESTED POSITIVE FOR THREE BANNED SUBSTANCES IN FRANCE
< shiloh> zacs - y ou're fired
< epoch> HAHAHAHA
< shiloh> w00t!
< epoch> AWESOME
< NeTTwerk1> really?
< zacs> epoch: he did man
< NeTTwerk1> seriously?
< zacs> yeah
< NeTTwerk1> BAHAHAHA
< NeTTwerk1> WICKED
< epoch> that's a bit weird
< zacs> MOUTHWASH, DEODORANT AND TOOTHPASTE

< epoch> wait a second
< epoch> this snowballing is pretty gross

<TeknikL> my pigeon is named crapbag
<NeTTwerk1> BAHAHAHA
<NeTTwerk1> you have a pigeon?
<NeTTwerk1> dude
<TeknikL> he likes to shit on my car

<epoch> is that worksafe?
<Silvris> no
<Silvris> well
<Silvris> yeah
<epoch> haha
<Silvris> but you'll pop a stiffy
<epoch> I'm gonna go with "no"

:: Join: shiloh (shiloh@afraidofthe.net) to #hardline
<shiloh> ~http://www.hardline.org/kb/IrcQuotes
<shiloh> :( I think you are all my heros
* shiloh thinks she needs a better life
:: Part: shiloh (shiloh@afraidofthe.net) from #hardline []

<epoch> we gotta get her back in here, and seduce her
<epoch> or something

<zacs> i have my third degree blackbelt in sitting on my ass

<spectra_w> i still get comments like.. "I can't look at you without picturing y
ou in the cheerleader outfit"

<amb_> i won't spread for no roses
<epoch> how about a carnation?
<segfault-> are you asking amb to spread?
<epoch> let me re-think this

<stereo> NeTTwerk1: cross-platform c++
<stereo> its not really exciting
<zacs> and by cross platform, scott means runs on windows, segfaults on unix
<stereo> haha
<epoch> hahahaha
<epoch> no dude
<epoch> it segfaults on both

<zacs> FUCK YOU MS PROJECT
<zacs> FUCK YOU ORACLE
<zacs> FUCK YOU SOURCEFORGE
<zacs> FUCK YOU
<zacs> FUCK YOU
<zacs> FUCK YOU

<amb_> masturbating in th shower
<amb_> oops
<amb_> wrong window

<zacs> i love the internet
<zacs> searching for kp-57xbr10w service manual +pdf
<zacs> what do i get?
<zacs> porn

<epoch> if people started calling me bitter dave, I'd probably try to stop being so bitter
<segfault-> haha
<segfault-> did you stop trying to be so gay when we all called you big gay dave?
<epoch> no, I started trying to stab everyone in the face ;P
<segfault-> rofl
<epoch> suppose I walked right into that one ;)

<chuX0r> today on the radio a guy called in and said for xmas when he was 15, his parents gave him kleenex and hand lotion

<chuX0r> ewww
<chuX0r> i just realized i'm watching some startrek show!

<amb_> i loved my vaio but the screen was too small
<amb_> i can't deal with 12"
<amb_> unless it's epoch

<amb_> os x can be hfs+ or ufs
<epoch> I'll u your fs
<amb_> come and get it, hot stuff
<epoch> WHOA THERE

* Teknik-L wishes idcmp would stop eating
<idcmp> but your mom is so tasty
<Teknik-L> if you saw her
<Teknik-L> youd go vomit right now
<idcmp> that's why i put paper bag over her head
<idcmp> she says i'm a lot better at it than you are

<NovaWRK> who here runs mIRC? And if so, you suck!
NovaWRK was kicked off #hardline by rfs (Who sucks now?)

<idcmp> !google female llama
<poofta> Rosina, female llama for sale - http://www.llamaweb.com/LLFarms/DBR/rosina.html
<segfault> lonely, james?
<idcmp> not anymore!

<epoch> 70% of all people are just downright stupid
<segfault> you're being generous
<segfault> it's much higher than 70
<epoch> and 29% are generally indept
<epoch> I'm talking like, full on dumb
<segfault> indept eh?
<epoch> inept
<epoch> quiet you!
segfault categorizes epoch into the 29%

<stereo> rfs, are you at work?
<rfs> rfs, yes, briefly.
<rfs> s/rfs/stereo/
<rfs> gaaah

<Teknik-L> im not sure hwy it should be funny when dave talks about murder, then necrophelia
<Teknik-L> but who knows
<Teknik-L> probably because I can picture it
<Teknik-L> wait, thats even wierder
<Teknik-L> I'll shut up

<chuX0r> there's a warning on toothpaste?
<stany> "do not use rectally. Not for use as a cake decoration. Not suitable for nuclear power plant operation"

<NovaSt0rM> why must you mock me
<amb_> because it's almost as fun as mocking epoch
<amb_> *almost*

<amb_> hey tek you here?
<chuX0r> apparently he's not, but wouldn't you rather talk to me instead? ;)

<bioh> im going camping this weekend :)
<epoch> man
<epoch> I wish I was going camping :(
<epoch> instead I'll probably end up working
<epoch> or killing myself, one or the other
<segfault-> dibs on your audio equipment
<amb_> i get the zaurus!
<amb_> hee hee hee
<segfault-> feel the love :)

<amb_> what's the thing for blocking your number? *76?
<Idcmp> /mode phone +i

<Idcmp> you'd think we're in europe
<Idcmp> 'cept we all have nice teeth
<epoch> speak for yourself

<epoch> what's the limit for USB cable length?
<segfault_> 10 miles
<epoch> you serious??
<segfault_> no :)

<chuX0r> Yeah, they didn't land on the moon, that's it.. shows on Fox *always*
tell the truth.
<Teknik-L> chuX0r: stfu :P

<Idcmp> potsheadsesss
<Idcmp> they are trying to smoke the precioussss

<epoch> ooh, ipsec, I hate you

<NovaWRK> having done absolutely nothing thus far, it's time for my morning cofee/smoke
<NovaWRK> damn you distracting people

<thoraz> we've got a box colocated at istop, damn thing has been down more time then a ho on crack

<NovaWRK> i am the angel of death. the time of purification is at hand.

<epoch> it's so huge
<stereo> epoch: i hear that quite often

* OtakuDuck pouts because he's not getting any

<epoch> anyone heard of DoS happening on TCP port 6346?
<bioh> hahah dude 6346 is gnutella

<stany> (Unlike some I have no qualms about cooking meth)

<epoch> I have lots of very dirty sex with older women
<epoch> I AM THE CLIT COMMANDER!

<nuala> OH MY GOD. I *am* a geek.

<epoch> you're the bitch in dot bitch

<nuala> Strafer According to FireSoul, you're big 'n cuddly

<Teknik-L> fucking install linux and shut up already

<gendem> if it ain't hardware I don't steal it, everyone knows that

<epoch> I wanna be an elf when I grow up

<Teknik-L> some frenchie just rear-ended me

<gendem> my new head arrived yesterday

<zacs> he looked kinda hot for a pig

<zacs-> its all about free porn

<wona> better have sex with me quick epoch

<poofta> bush is nothing but an evil heap of villainous jizzum.

<gendem> It's spelled c-r-t-c but it's pronounced "fucking assholes"

<bioh> ie is a browser NINJA

<amb_> it's sort of like sheila copps
<amb_> i really don't like her
<amb_> but i find her strangely attractive

<chuX0r> you guys need to say more stupid stuff so it can be quoted

<rara> i want lots of sex please!

<FireSoul> now for some coke.

<SupahDuck> stick that in your | and smoke it

<amb_> there's something about nude nuns
<NovaSt0rM> and cleaning girls :)

<FireSoul> Oh that hurts.
<staany> Please tell me you didn't just try to use a cooling fan as a masturbatory aid

<rfs> well i have one
<rfs> but its longer than you would like

<FireSoul> virgins are trouble.

<idcmp> Okay, enough karma flooding. This isn't #ottawa.

<gendem_> there's only one thing I do by hand, and it has nothing to do with compiling

<NovaWRK> bongy: btw - thanks for the enlightenment about tiger penis :)

<GenDEM_DT> my secret passion is Super 70's Stadium Glam Rock

<nightfire> suck it dave

<nessa> i forgot about the penis

<ecl> FireSoul: because Forth gives me a stiffy! ;P

<idcmp> PHEAR MY REMOTE XCHAT!

<rfs> foreach(qw/slut whore tramp/) { $_->take_advantage_off(); }

<Strafer> I was picturing Stany in tights and a cape, sitting at a bar, answering to the name SuperTanker

rfs unleashes vogon poetry

<idcmp> don't i need some magical illegal thing?

<rfs> I am a geek and a weenie

<idcmp> boo stupid shitty oracle

<ecl> what's this I hear about scantily clad virgins?

<ecl> I bet it sucks gas giants through pipettes.

<amb_bbts> MARK. I'm scared. Hold me.

<segfault> Tonight, one night only! The IP Lounge presents "Latency", featuring
DJ Packet Loss

<stereo> JESUS I'M FUCKING BLIND

<segfault> you're all a bunch of demon tools ;P

<SupahDuck> amb is all about the 3-way action

<epoch> holy fucking shit does exchange 2000 ever suck

<bunky_> I am a huge raging homosexual.

<segfault-> poofta, insult #ottawa
<poofta> #ottawa is nothing but an unintelligent stack of loggerheaded eel ooze.

<Teknik_L> jean chretien makes me want to stab things

<epoch> I'm a monkey face

<stany> Depends. Folks I deal with in Toronto make it seem like doing dental surgery through an asshole as the access point.

<epoch> I did put an eighth of shrooms in my cereal this morning
<epoch> shroomios!

<NovaWRK> damn you people and your crabs

<NovaWRK> GOD WHY IS MSVC COMPLETELY FUCKING BROKEN

<epoch> I suppose sticking a paperclip in it wasn't the smartest idea

<idcmp> bisexual pagan women are the best

<FireSoul> no, I did not touch the daughter. The mom had a gun. It was fucking
Texas. ;)

<NovaWRK> how exactly is it that i have so much worse credit than epoch
<NovaWRK> oh wait, it's cuz I don't pay my bills or CCs
<NovaWRK> and I drive with expired stickers
<NovaWRK> which I can't replace because I have $300 in parking tickets and need to do a drive-clean check
<NovaWRK> hey, at least I havn't been evicted yet

<NovaWRK> damn it
<NovaWRK> i'm not a terrorist
<NovaWRK> YOU are all conspirators
<NovaWRK> no wait, that makes me sound like a terrorist
<epoch> hahahahaha
<epoch> call me a filthy infidel pig-dog now